A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't
seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have
that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got
hit with a cannon ball, but I'm
fine now." says the pirate. 
  

"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
asked the bartender.

"We were in another battle." replied the pirate. "I boarded a ship
and got into a sword fight.  My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

So the bartender asks, "What about that eye patch?"

The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of sea
gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

  
"You're kidding, " said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just   
from bird shit."

The pirate responded,
"It was my first day with the hook."